So next one, patience. I think most of us think we are very patient, no? Until something happens when we are stressed, many things, maybe not just one thing, maybe one thing happened, tac, tac, tac, but then it starts building up, and then there’s one moment that we permit to lose patience because we think we have the right. We justify the fact that we can talk this way or act this way, but obviously, its’ ridiculous; afterwards we’ll regret it. There are only very, very few cases where it’s good to be wrathful, but only with a certain wisdom behind, and empathy, of course. Otherwise, it’s counterproductive.
Most of the time, if you touch the other person’s ego, they shut down. And then they don’t listen and there’s no communication; and they will also say something, and your ego also jump, and then it becomes totally useless. It’s like the Tibetan saying: When you stir shit, all you get is the smell of shit. I like the Tibetan sayings, they are very wise, simple but wise.
Even if you don’t have a very positive intention, I think if you talk with empathy, with humility, it is always going to have a very positive effect; and if it doesn’t work, then it’s not your problem. You can’t take it personally; you don’t have to take responsibility for everybody’s mistakes.
But the most important aspect of patience is that you never have to have patience with anybody; you must be patient with yourself because that is where the patience lies. You can’t blame somebody, saying, “Oh I lost patience because he did this, or she did this or they said that.” This is ridiculous. The patience, you lost with yourself. So, if you have patience with yourself, and you know that you don’t have the right to lose patience with anybody, including and especially starting with yourself, then you can be patient with everybody, starting with yourself. So, remember, next time you are about to lose patience think: “I have to be patient with myself” not with anybody else but with yourself. This is a very private, personal job.
And, of course, you must take responsibility, it’s very easy to blame others, so easy, “Oh it’s not my fault. I was very stressed, and then this happened and that happened, and then this happened and that happened and then I lost patience.” No, you lost patience with yourself. You always have the chance and the opportunity not to lose patience. The only reason that you lose patience is because you think you are very important. Don’t worry, you are not the center of the universe! You are important but you’re not that important! It’s like the saying: Be humble because you belong but be proud because you are. It’s beautiful what we are, the potential of a buddha. If you are able to use the ego, to use the pride – maybe I’ll change the word ‘pride’, I’ll change it to dignity- then it can really help to improve, because basically in life, it’s evolution or devolution. The more you evolve, the easier it is to evolve, the more you devolve, the faster, the easier it is to devolve. The more positive thoughts and actions and speech, the easier it is to do that every time; and the more bad thoughts, negative thoughts, negative actions and negative speech you have, the easier it is to go down. It’s never too late to start now, because it’s always now.
OK. Patience. And for me, I thought personally, every time I lose patience, I regret so much; and even if I say, “Sorry, sorry, sorry” many times, it cannot really repair the mistake or the damage. The only good thing positive thing that I can take from that is to look at myself and to see my own ego, how big it is – like a cathedral, huge; so that is the only positive thing I see from losing patience, to observe the reaction, the mechanism – where is it coming from, how does it come and why does it come. These are the three important questions you must make every time you lose patience. And of course, if you lose patience, it’s very important to say sorry because it not only helps you to heal and to learn, but it also helps for the other person to forgive. And many times, if they don’t forgive, they carry that weight also, and vice versa. You know, when you forgive, you don’t carry the weight of the mistake of the other person. Does that make sense? Yeah, so something like that.